let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
