you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
