made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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