(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
