Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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