i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
