just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
