I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
