She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
