yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
