Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
