Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
