dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
