There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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