so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
