I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
