So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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