Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
