Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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