I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize