The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
