Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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