my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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