Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
