Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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