She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize