my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
