I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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