even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
