Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
