Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
