I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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