Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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