Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
