I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
