CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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