you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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