so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
