clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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