Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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