Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
