I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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