Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize