There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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