My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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