i permit you to call me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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