the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
