What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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