That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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