Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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