My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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