I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize