Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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