Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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