rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
