I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
