Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize