great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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