I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
