i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
