remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
