im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize