I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
