could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
