You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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